The Last Meow
July 29, 2025
Cat Grief and How Humans Understand It
Shery Clark, MA, NCC, LCMHC, LCAS-A
People who live with multiple cats become vividly aware that establishing a close and bond with a family feline is not unique to humans. Over time, deeply felt and complex relationships have been observed to form between the felines within a multiple cat household. Some appear to become best friends while others merely tolerate each other.
Science has not entirely ignored unusual interactions between species or the relationships between animals raised together and/or sharing a common environment. Biologists explain that these relationships are formed to achieve specific goals, such as cooperative hunting in the wild. Yet, until recently, any suggestion that animal relationships might be based on companionship would probably have been met with skepticism and dismissed as anthropomorphism. However, theoretical thinking is changing; current research is slowly blurring some boundaries between human emotions and the emotions of animals. Science is uncovering evidence that animals share cognitive abilities once considered exclusive only to humans, including the capacity for some particular emotions, certain aspects of language, and even a sense of morality. Current research into human grief shows that grief affects certain areas of our brains. It is only logical to assume that grief affects our companions’ brains as well. The growing body of evidence supporting this assumption includes research on how animals experience loss of another animal with whom they have formed a close bond.
“Siamese cat sisters named Willa and Carson, who lived in Virginia, were inseparable for 14 years. They ate, slept and relaxed together, at times fitting their bodies tightly into a circle to soak up the sun’s warmth. As she aged, Carson developed some health problems. One day, new symptoms and her human family took her to the veterinarian. Kept in an incubator for warmth, Carson died that night in her sleep. At first, Willa acted mildly upset at her sister’s absence. Within two or three days, however, she started to wail, searching the house for her sister. It took Willa many months to resume taking her old interest in life again.”
The preceding excerpt, from Dr. Barbara King’s book How Animals Grieve (2013), makes a clear point that a loss was deeply experienced. Our scientific communities are just beginning to decipher how grief and loss affect animals and how humans can help them. Most previous research used large primates as subjects. Jane Goodall’s work is still the research most often cited when looking at animal relationships and bonding. Other scientists cite elephant burial rituals when describing animal behavior towards death, but few try to describe the elephants’ emotional landscape. A few emerging studies use anecdotal information about horses that appeared to gather in a group when another horse in the same pasture died. These horses gathered around the body in what was described as a protective circle until it was removed. Other natural observations into animal grief include the story of a tiger cub, a lion cub, and a bear cub who were all orphans in a rescue. The trio grew up and lived together all of their lives. When the tiger developed liver tumors, his “brothers” were given the chance to say goodbye, and they were closely monitored for signs of grief and depression.
Some members of the general public still hold the opinion that cats are more aloof than other companion animals, and consequently, might not build close bonds with their humans or the other household animals with which they share a living space. Dr. Stephanie Schwartz, a veterinarian who investigated separation anxiety in dogs and cats, found that house cats (who are traditionally viewed as shy or even antisocial) displayed some form of anxiety response when their companion was gone, after a period of time (2003). A growing body of evidence suggests cats do form social bonds and develop separation reactions similar to those of dogs and other animals, which we typically think of as very social creatures (Schwartz, 2003). Schwartz goes on to add that grief, in her opinion, can be viewed as the most extreme separation reaction among social animals (2003). She explains that we are not able to determine completely if the cat is reacting to the separation itself, or if the specific one who was lost is the source of the anxiety (2003). Dr. Schwartz also points out that human influence can also play a large role in a domestic environment (2003). In my own home, when my 17-year-old tabby died, my flame point Himalayan, Harley, literally turned his back on me when I showed him his companion was gone. For a long time, Harley was not himself. It was only years later when I spontaneously rescued and brought home Allison, a tabby kitten, that Harley became his old self again.
So, if cats grieve, what does it look like and how do we know? While most of us think we can read our cat’s emotions and their antics, the experts caution us about attributing too many of our human characteristics to our cats’ behavior. Although many scientists still believe that pet owners might overestimate or distort the capacity of their companions to feel complex emotions, most experts now agree there are marked differences in feline behavior after the loss of a companion. Changes often include eating less or possibly not at all, craving more attention from their owners, alterations in vocalization patterns (meowing more or less than usual), and deviations in sleeping places or other habits. Separation reactions can include extreme reactions such as over-grooming, resulting in serious self-inflicted injury. House soiling is also considered another possible reaction to separation. Changes to the places chosen for urination and defecation (as well as changes to the feces and urine due to the alterations in the cat’s diet) may occur.
A survey conducted by the ASPCA found similar common signs of grieving which determined that:
- 46% percent of cats experienced a decreased appetite following the loss of a feline companion
- Many cats slept more than usual, but some developed insomnia
- Some cats changed the area of the house where they slept
- About 70% percent of cats exhibited changes in vocal patterns; some meowing more while others were quieter than they had been prior to the loss of a companion
- Surviving cats were often more affectionate with their owners and became clingy (Buzhardt, 2017).
Age may also play a large role in how much the loss affects the cat that is left behind. For felines that have grown up together, the continued absence of a companion can be more traumatic than just the loss of a companion. Anthropologist Barbara King of The College of William & Mary argues that animals ranging from ducks to dolphins might grieve when a relative or close companion dies (2013). She states that many animals form bonds that involve helping one another with grooming tasks, feeding and giving comfort while sleeping (2003). Over time, these bonds deepen, becoming stronger with age (King, 2003). Sudden loss is especially difficult for an aging feline who finds any change a challenge (King, 2003). King defines grief as: “When a survivor animal acts” in ways which convey they are “visibly distressed or altered from the usual routine in the aftermath of the death of a companion animal that had mattered emotionally to him or her” (2003). King cites studies and observations showing that animals in the wild – from elephants to birds – exhibit grieving behavior, as do household pets (2003).
How can humans help their feline companions through this difficult time? First, we need to recognize that the loss is a shared loss. If our cat is grieving, chances are we are also grieving. Therefore, the first recommendation is a word of caution, as our grief is apt to easily spill over onto others. Try not to over-complicate your cat’s feelings. She, most likely, is noticing her companion’s absence: the lack of her snuggle buddy; the loss of her playmate; the loss of her grooming partner. You might find her searching constantly throughout the house. While the experts tell us this is normal behavior, recognizing our feelings about that behavior is also important. We may become irritated at her seeking behavior and reprimand her, not knowing her actions are completely normal. It could help to answer her vocalizations as she roams and calls for her friend. Experts also recommend that we spend more time giving affection if our cat accepts it. They caution, however, to let our feline be our guide. Some cats (like some humans in mourning) desire solitude instead of attention.
One issue everyone appears to agree on is that it is NOT a good idea to rush into getting another cat or kitten. There will never be a replacement for the one who is gone. Trying to “fix” the loss with a new member of the family is not only unfair to the grieving cat, as it places unfair expectations on the new member of the household. Most experts agree any change at this point in time will likely be more stressful to the surviving felines. Adding another stressor into the environment only makes more for your cat to handle—another event she may not welcome because of the timing.
Dr. King believes that what unites human grieving with that of other animals is more powerful than anything setting it apart (2003). Our feline companions clearly form many kinds of relationships with one another, just as humans do. Some cats form deep, lasting bonds that demonstrate attention, tenderness, and caring for each other whether they are siblings or simply household members living together. These relationships might take time to develop, and the depth of a bond may come as a surprise to us when one of the pair is lost. Grief can be an enormous weight for any being left behind; at the same time, it conveys to all of humanity the power of a love once shared.
Citations
Buzhardt, L. (2017). Do Cats Mourn? LifeLearn Inc. Retrieved from https://vcahospitals.com/know-your-pet/do-cats-mourn
King, Barbara J. (2013). How Animals Grieve. University of Chicago Press: Chicago.
Schwartz, S. (2003). Separation anxiety syndrome in dogs and cats. Journal of the American Veterinary Medical Association, 222(11), 1526-1532. doi.org/10.2460/javma.2003.222.1526